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What Sucks…Cat Power’s “We Wish You A Merry Christmas”

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Check out Cat Power’s take on “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" but believe me, it will do nothing for your seasonal depression disorder. 

Does this mean a Cat Power Christmas album is in the works, cause I kind of want to hear a haunting take on "Frosty The Snowman". 


What Sucks…The Youtube Music Awards!

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So psyched this is happening I hear categories include “First!”, “Biggest F*g!” and “Suck My F*cking Di*k!” 

What Sucks…Shortness In New York City!

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People are wondering what this election means.  Has the city embraced a more liberal agenda?  Has income inequality become the issue of the year?  People, open your eyes! 

For 12 years the city has been governed by a borderline-dwarf! Look at him!  On one level, it's embarrassing!  Sure this guy fixed potholes, but it was because he was a afraid if he fell into one, he'd be lost forever!  The guy championed micro-apartments- places to live with 250 square feet- or to him, a spacious APARTMENT! 

Now, the first chance we get, 73 percent of us overwhelmingly vote for a dude who’s 6 foot 5!  This election was a referendum on height!

Congrats Mayor elect Bill de Blasio, but if Manute Bol ran (G-d rest his soul), I’d be congratulating him right now!

What Sucks…The Guy From Duck Dynasty

What Sucks…Today’s Christmas Specials

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Saying “The Grinch, Frosty &Rudolph still really hold up..." is just a nice way of saying we haven't made a Xmas special worth a shit in 40 years!  Get it together people!

What Sucks…Lady Boilermakers!

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Can we end the tradition of taking a college sports team and just adding the word “Lady” to it to indicate the female version of that team?  Either change the name for the girls or lose the “Lady” part of it!  Lady Boilermakers?  Really, for all those female makers of boilers out there!

What Sucks Presents…Drunk Ralph Malph!

What Sucks…MmmHops!


What Sucks Presents…Drunk Ralph Malph!

What Sucks...Videos You Should Check Out: Rob Paravonian's G Train

What Sucks Presents...The Worst Page On The Internet Today!

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Take a good look- click to enlarge if you have to- it's all there, a sex offender says her lover ordered the "baby rape", the man who brought his family to meet the underage teen he planned to "have sex with", the janitor who paid kids to beat up another kid.  Let's not bury the lead either, don't forget Ariel Castro's accidental suicide where in the prison cell he was in, he was able to do the whole "Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation" thing. 

Way to go humanity AND HuffPo! (I'm sure no one got paid for those articles and if there was a video on there, you had to sit through a commercial before seeing it!) 



What Sucks…The Reaper

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Underrated and perpetually bald “that guy” actor, Ed Lauter- you knew him as “that guy” from, “Youngblood”, the first (and second) “Longest Yard”, the horrendous Anthony Hopkins/ murderous ventriloquist film “Magic”, (directed by Richard Attenborough and co-staring Burgess Meredith and Ann-Margret), “Born on the Fourth of July”, “Talladega Nights” and “Trouble With The Curve”, in all of which he probably played a guy 2 days away from retirement who was too old for whatever shit was going down, has died at the age of 74. 

I would be surprised as shit if this dude WASN’T literally credited as “that guy”, in the 60 or so films that appear on his IMDB page. 

Ed Lauter, great character actor, RIP. 

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What Sucks...The Reaper

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My Mickey Rooney story.

I was working the 6A desk as an NBC page (Conan’s studio).  Plum assignment.  Your job is to answer the phone, order food when needed and ready the dressing rooms for guests.  Conan was using Mickey Rooney as an extra for something.  I’m pretty sure he was playing a plant in the audience.  The sketch wouldn’t have been rehearsed until something like 3:30 or 4 the earliest.  Wouldn’t be filmed until 6ish. Mickey, and his son, (Mickey’s son was his manager/ wrangler) were there at 10-Friggin-AM.

At the time I was living in an apartment with a few friends from college in Weehawken, New Jersey. One of my roommates worked at NY1 as the entertainment news-desk editor, and chiefly worked nights.  So all day long I am at my page desk, (wearing a polyester page uniform) with 4’8 Mickey Rooney sitting next to me, being insane.  Just nuts.  He had an old fashioned, show biz energy about him. Like a real-life version of Martin Short’s character Jackie Rodgers, Jr.  I think he was maybe 81 at the time and he knew two speeds, upbeat and asleep.  He’d ask me questions, call me “fella” and kind of have this manic energy about him as he waited around, not knowing exactly what he was waiting for, smiling at passersby, beginning stories, and then not finishing them.

I should say that when you worked the 6A Desk job, part of the experience was working with and getting to know the many different personalities that worked on the show. The security guys would ask you to look out for when their guests arrived. The sound-tech guy would ask you to look out for a phone call he was expecting. The music coordinator would give you a heads up when the band needed something and so on and so forth.  Everyone had distinct personality and when they weren’t super-busy, they’d hang with you and congregate by your desk.  (The desk was right by the studio entrance.)  On the day Mickey was there however, the desk, normally a hub of activity, was, besides me, a ghost town.

So there I was working with Mickey next to me.  He would smile, then look off. Once the phone rang and he grabbed it saying “Mickey Rooney, here!” before laughing a long and hardy laugh and handing it to me. “Yes”, I said to the person on the other end, “that was Mickey Rooney.  He just grabbed it.  Because he’s sitting right next to the phone.”

The News 4 people (who worked across the hall) would walk by, look at me, then look at Mickey Rooney, then back at me. It was surreal.  Janice Huff, Len Berman, Sue Simmons all did double takes as Mickey Rooney sat next to me, occasionally coughing deeply.

Mickey’s son would leave for long stretches of time, leaving me to essentially watch his dad.  Finally, Mickey’s rehearsal time came, and then time for the show, and he was off.

I went out for a few beers that night, bewildered I spent a good chunk of my day with an insane Mickey Rooney. When I got home, it wasn’t long before long my roommate who worked at NY1 came home as well.  He too walked in with the thousand-yard stare of a man who could not believe what he just experienced.  His first words were that I’d NEVER believe how crazy his night was. You see, Mickey Rooney came to NY1 that night, shepherded around by his son (who I am pretty sure was later accused of elder abuse) and hung out for 4 hours.  And he was completely insane.

I looked up at him, and told him that he, without question, had to be shitting me, as I myself had also spent significant time that day with Friggin’ Mickey Rooney and yes he was fucking nuts.  The sobering thought uniting us being that two random people, in a city of millions, who lived in the same Weehawken apartment, had both not just run into, but dealt all day with, an insane Mickey Rooney.

It was fucked up, yo.  RIP, Mickey.

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What Sucks...Stamps in Finland!

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Let’s face it, in the US, snail mail is dying a slow death.  The concept of writing a letter, putting a stamp on it and mailing it is a lost art and is being replaced by email, texting, IMing and any number of different ways we can communicate.  But can your texting do this?!

Finland is introducing a new series of stamps, that well, we’ll just say, if you need to lick them, just be careful. 

What Sucks…Jag-Offs Taking Selfies In Front of Trains!


What Sucks…Google Glass!

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The day has finally arrived. They are finally here!

Google glass, for those times when you need to access information- take a picture, make a video, talk to someone and purchase something…and your phone is a little bit out of reach. 

$1500.00.  Buy one here...OR, move your phone closer to you.  

What Sucks Required Video Viewing: Real Housewives, Trying To Cry Through Botox

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More of a link dump here, via Jezebel, but in one of life’s cruel twists, some of the people in the world most subject to unending drama, Real Housewives, be them from Atlanta, New Jersey, or Orange County, are unable to cry due to the tremendous amount of Botox circulating through their bodies (and hearts).

Makes you want to cry for them in a way. Life as a Real Housewife is tough enough, without looking like you have to sneeze, when you’re sad. 
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What Sucks…Eric Cantor: So Long, Douchebag Edition

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Eric Cantor, (more like Eric CANTor- you all can use that!) one of the country’s leading douches, and the very douche to tweet the above thanking BOSSES for their contribution on Labor Day, was voted out of office this week, for ironically, at least on the surface, failing to be a big enough douche.  I say this because he was defeated by someone named Dave Brat, who apparently out-flanked Cantor on the right.  I guess Cantor’s “fuck immigriants” stance could in fact by trumped by Brat’s “no, seriously, REALLY fuck immigrants.” 

Brat for what it’s worth is a college economics professor, with a deep love for all things Ayn Rand.  I’ll give him a tiny bit of latitude on the Rand thing- normally a harbinger of assholishness for any adult- because, let’s be honest, it’s not until after you leave college that you realize Ayn Rand is garbage. 

Any way you slice it, Eric Cantor was defeated.  Is it a teachable moment?  Sure.  The lesson? Don’t be such a douche, OR be as big a douche as you possibly can, because some other douche is always waiting in the wings to out-douche you.

What Sucks…US Airways

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Know anyone looking for a job in Social Media?  I think one just opened at US Airways after they inadvertently posted the above on their twitter feed.  Forget about your job, this thing is NSFW if you work on the set of “Bukkake Summer 37: A New Beginning!” 

The worst part is that this was in response to a customer who was complaining about being stuck on a tarmac, (see below) who I guess, thought the airline was saying, “yeah, I’m sorry you’re stuck on the tarmac now but, you know things could be worse?” 

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What Sucks…Viagra Ice Cream! Perv Watch: Vol. 37

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Ever eat Ice Cream and think to yourself, “This is great, but I wish I could be aroused.”  Well, if you did, you’re in luck.  A British icecream maker has come up with something only Ben & Jerry’s creepy uncle may have thought of- Viagra, and some champagne in ice cream.  Each scoop is dosed with 25mgs of the magic blue pill.  It’s expensive, but people who use Viagra have enough money for…

...outdoor bathtubs...



…and extensive studio time.  Such active lifestyles, when do they have time to fuck?

So if you’re thinking of getting your Viagra from Ice Cream, you probably can afford it.  Of course, if you don’t want any of this, there’s always, say it with me, soft serve.  

There's a reason they stopped at 39 flavors, pervs.  

Someone help me make my Viagra Ice Cream commercial...

Erectile dysfunction.  Isn’t it time you talked to your ice cream man about it? (If brain-freeze lasts longer than for hours, contact your doctor.)

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