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What Sucks Presents…Doctor or Not A Doctor!

June 16, 2014, 2:17 pm
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With Measles making a comeback like and set to go on tour with mumps when school starts up again this fall, WhatSucksBlog thought it might be time to play a round of it's brand new game show, Doctor...or NOT a doctor.  See how well you do! Winner doesn't get a disease basically wiped out a few short years ago! 



Answer: A doctor!



Answer: NOT a doctor!


Answer: A doctor!




Answer: NOT a doctor!



Answer: NOT a doctor, this is Jenny McCarthy dressed as a big strawberry!

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What Sucks Salutes Women With Bad Taste In Men: Leidy Figueroa!

July 3, 2014, 8:33 am
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Pretty soon, Leidy Figueroa will marry Joran Van der Sloot, if you want to get them a gift they are registered at Crate and Barrel, and Batesville Casket company!  I hear the vows are, “to have and to hold till she does an extensive google search!”  I can’t believe they’re getting married- I thought this would be more of a May- December thing, you know, with him killing her in December!
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What Sucks...Jenny McCarthy

May 5, 2014, 9:23 am
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What Sucks…The NSA! (Vol. 1)

June 5, 2014, 8:44 am
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The NSA, you know the people apparently reading your emails, listening in on your phone calls and examining your texts- they’re sick of you texting that girl “U up?” by the way, are looking into acquiring software that can detect sarcasm in real time on social media. 

I guess they got tired of kicking in doors of teenage girls who felt if Caitlin Jacobs and Jaret Evans went to prom, they’d quote “SERIOUSLY kill someone, I literally,can not even.”

The software will be designed to analyze data pertaining to “geographic segmentation, sentiment and trend.”  Which is just great. 

Thanks, NSA.  You guys are really doing some great work. 
  
And if you commission a sarcasm detector, you also may want it to be compatible with something other than “Internet Explorer 8.”  Unless you’re looking for intel on what browsers people use to download Google Chrome. 

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What Sucks…The TSA’s Instagram!

July 7, 2014, 9:13 am
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 If you get a second and want to be disturbed to the point where you can’t sleep, head on over to the TSA’s Instagram feed- and relax, because it’s not pictures of you being patted down or going through a body scanner- yet.

But don’t relax because it is a bunch of pictures of the many weapons homemade and purchased, that people have been stopped with while they were getting on a plane. 

You got homemade grenades, guns, Chinese throwing stars and even a spear gun- and this is just the stuff they’ve caught! 

A goddamned mace! 
Don’t worry though, the airlines say they’re cracking down and have assured us anyone bringing a Spear Gun on a plane will be charged a $25 dollar carry-on fee.  



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What Sucks…US Airways

April 14, 2014, 11:46 am
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Know anyone looking for a job in Social Media?  I think one just opened at US Airways after they inadvertently posted the above on their twitter feed.  Forget about your job, this thing is NSFW if you work on the set of “Bukkake Summer 37: A New Beginning!” 

The worst part is that this was in response to a customer who was complaining about being stuck on a tarmac, (see below) who I guess, thought the airline was saying, “yeah, I’m sorry you’re stuck on the tarmac now but, you know things could be worse?” 

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What Sucks Presents: Separated at Birth!

August 28, 2014, 2:39 pm
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What Sucks...The Cowboys, Greg Hardy

March 19, 2015, 8:04 pm
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What Sucks...Snow, The First Day Of Spring

March 20, 2015, 3:37 pm
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I don’t want to say this has been a long winter, but then they checked on Punxsutawney Phil on Groundhog’s Day, it took him a minute to see if he saw his shadow, because he was busy reading Chekhov!  Holy shit has this winter sucked and now, on the first day of Spring what happens?  Snow. 

This is some bullshit. 
And hey Google, look out your window! F’ You!

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What Sucks…Mi0 Water Enhancer

March 23, 2015, 6:57 am
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What Sucks...Solitaire!

March 24, 2015, 7:00 am
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It's amazing how many people play solitaire when you consider how boring it is & that the only reason people play it in the first place is that they're bored! Wake up sheepeople!  You're doubling your boredom!   
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What Sucks…Spiders Eating Snakes!

March 25, 2015, 8:23 am
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Get ready for something you will never be able to un-see!  Now, Australia is known for a lot of things- the Outback, Kangaroos, shrimp on the Barbie, OTHER things in that old commercial starring Paul Hogan, but what they don’t tell you about are the spiders as big as a grown man’s fist! 
Take a look at what is called a “golden orb-weaving spider”, as it eats a 20 inch snake!  Yeah, this was taken down under, where, coincidentally, I am now feeling very sick (down under, stay with me people.)  Who do you root for here?  The horrendous creepy-crawly thing or the spider?!
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What Sucks...Duane Reade Sushi!

March 30, 2015, 10:14 am
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Lookit, I get that the city has long been under siege from Duane Reades.  Soon the older Duane Reades will be closing down, to be replaced by the "new" Duane Reades and we'll all have to hear about it on Vanishing New York, but does that mean that we have to raise the white flag and start buying out spicy tuna rolls there?  

This is America, damn it, I don't want my sushi from the same place I can get my tooth paste, Gatorade and Lipitor!    


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What Sucks...Instagram!

March 31, 2015, 8:26 am
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Hey Instragram, because you're all about the "square" formatting, I can't show any of my followers (all 178 of them- follow WhatSucksBlog on Instagram here!) the full glory of this El Camino I saw this morning in Union City, NJ.

Here it is in all its glory, below:

Hey Instagram, get on this shit! 

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What Sucks…Indiana!

April 1, 2015, 9:33 am
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Despite the backlash to Indiana’s “Religious Freedom Restoration Act” I am afraid to report that the Genie is in fact out of the bottle and that if you are gay and want to have Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana- link here, whoops, I mean Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana- linkhere, cater your wedding, you are in fact shit out of luck.

Once again, to repeat- and if you’re gay or close to someone who is gay you might want to sit down for this: I know you crave, “pizza-place, slice-pizza” and, I don’t know, “garlic knots”, “meatball subs” and maybe something like “baked ziti” for your wedding, because G-d knows the vast majority of you are NOT incredible event planners, well, it gives me great pain to say, you simply will NOT be able to order from this place, your wedding. 

I mean, what the hell are we fighting for then?  Tweet @GovPenceIN and tell him you want gay people to be able to order shitty pizza for their wedding- this will not stand! 

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What Sucks…Taking Selfies In Front of Building Explosions

April 6, 2015, 9:00 am
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What’s worse?  Taking selfies in front of the recent NYC building collapse or…


 …taking a selfie in front of a recent NYC building collapse using a “selfie stick”?  Probably the “selfie stick”, right?  Or is it the one without the “selfie stick”?  I can’t decide.  Oh wait, how’s this- they’re BOTH terrible.


Ah yes, I feel much better. 

Let’s be grateful young people were too busy worrying about avoiding disease- or that taking a selfie was much more complicated back in the day, or we’d have definitely seen some of this shit in the past…






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What Sucks...@HolesComedy- My New Monthly Stand Up Show!

May 11, 2015, 10:53 am
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To the 14 people who still may check this site out over the course of a year- I'm doing a new show on the Upper West Side these days, where you can check me out live as well as some of the best Stand Up comics in New York City.

Next show is May 18th- next Monday at 9PM.

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What Sucks…Eric Cantor: So Long, Douchebag Edition

June 11, 2014, 9:15 am
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Eric Cantor, (more like Eric CANTor- you all can use that!) one of the country’s leading douches, and the very douche to tweet the above thanking BOSSES for their contribution on Labor Day, was voted out of office this week, for ironically, at least on the surface, failing to be a big enough douche.  I say this because he was defeated by someone named Dave Brat, who apparently out-flanked Cantor on the right.  I guess Cantor’s “fuck immigriants” stance could in fact by trumped by Brat’s “no, seriously, REALLY fuck immigrants.” 

Brat for what it’s worth is a college economics professor, with a deep love for all things Ayn Rand.  I’ll give him a tiny bit of latitude on the Rand thing- normally a harbinger of assholishness for any adult- because, let’s be honest, it’s not until after you leave college that you realize Ayn Rand is garbage. 

Any way you slice it, Eric Cantor was defeated.  Is it a teachable moment?  Sure.  The lesson? Don’t be such a douche, OR be as big a douche as you possibly can, because some other douche is always waiting in the wings to out-douche you.
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What Sucks...Rick Santorum!

June 5, 2015, 7:19 am
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The worst Presidential candidate ever to run in my lifetime is back!

So what new lows of hackery and cynicism lie ahead for us?  Already this turd-muffin has taken on the Pope, who by the way, by definition, is Infallible- saying the Pontiff should not talk about climate change, because he is “not a scientist”.  Turns out, the Pope has a MA in Chemistry, so He kind of is one!  Pope 1, Santorum 0. 

Hey, people encouraging Rick Santorum to run for President- stop! 


The news isn’t all bad though, in the past a simple google search on Santorum’s name would famously reveal the number one hit to define “Santorum” as “the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex”.  Well, that definition is no longer the first thing associated with Santorum’s name- I guess what I’m saying is- CONGRATULATIONS FROTHY MIXTURE OF LUBE AND FECAL MATTER! 
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What Sucks…Quick Hits: God, Meryl Streep, Paul Simon, People Who Make Diapers That Look Like Jeans

June 9, 2015, 11:56 am
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…God
Thanks for all the ear hair!  We’re created in Your own image?  Who are you, character actor Paul Dooley?!
…Meryl Streep
Overrated!  What’s the big deal? She’s 3 for 18 when it comes to Oscars, she’s hit .167!  She’s Ike Davis of the Academy Awards! 
 ...Paul Simon
Dude, you can stop with the baseball cap, we’ve known you’re bald for the last 30 years!
…People Who Make Diapers That Look Like Jeans
Stop! I don't want my kid thinking its okay to shit in jeans! 
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